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2022/2023 Season

Saturday 11th February:

1st XV – Surrey Counties 3 – Home vs Cranleigh

A club social to the Prem Cup Semi Final, a relegation scrap and both 1s and 2s playing at the same adopted home ground – what a Media weekend it was.

The sense of excitement was palpable as we convened at Barnes RFC – the feeling was short lived when we realised Charlie had failed to wash & dry the kit in time resulting in most jerseys (although not his) being as heavy as those worn back in the 80s.

Following a full club warm up and the usual memory jogging of the lineout calls Cranleigh kicked off and Media immediately set about building pressure through our structure and forcing the oppo into giving away pens.

The first half hour was some of the best rugby we have played all year, keeping the ball in attack with dynamic carriers given both Joshs options and suffocating defence – not allowing their large runners any time on the ball. Our work was rewarded with 3 tries – the first from George Simpson taking a paper ball and carrying 3 of the oppo over the line with him. Our 2nd scored out wide by Herbie (his first 1s try) after some excellent build up play in the backline. And then our 3rd – fantastic line speed and pressure allowed Euan to pick off a pass and run it in under the posts.

19-0 up and, on the whole, Media looked set for a good win. Cranleigh thought differently and after a number of Media pens we found ourselves defending a 5m lineout with their formidable maul incoming – Ferg & Josh W did a phenomenal job to hold them up over the line but we weren’t as lucky a few mins later. Then to compound the situation, a lucky bounce and a poor kick chase resulted in Cranleigh scoring again to bring the deficit to 5 as we got to HT.

Into the 2nd half and we knew we had to score first to kill their momentum but in typical Media fashion we made life difficult for ourselves by continuing to push the ref’s buttons and finding ourselves defending yet more 5m lineouts. This time the Media D stayed strong throughout – another held up try from Josh & an unnamed member of the back row followed by scrum penalty meant we were able to clear our lines & build again.

From a lineout HB Dan cut a line, broke through and then decided that he had more than just brute force in his locker and pirouetted his way through the 22m only to be cut down 1m short of the line. Josh utilised the quick ball and Ali burrowed over for his first Media try. Again Cranleigh came back at us, can’t quite remember how but they scored to make it 24-21 Media with 15 mins to go.

In the past we may well have let this game slip but Media showed our character and quickly got back on the attack. Lines from Charlie, Ferg & Dan got us within 2 metres once more and Sam, spotting a gap went over and sealed the win.

FT Media 31- 21 Cranleigh

Absolutely huge win for the club and completely deserved after the effort put in so far this season – the commitment from all 18 was immense and gives us a load of excitement for the final 3 league games of the season where we can have some fun with the threat of relegation (pretty much) gone

2nd XV – Surrey Conference – Home vs Farnham

After a characteristically rushed late-stage warmup and run thorough, the mighyt mighty media 2s took to the field. My memory of the first 10 minutes of the game goes something like this:
Kick off.
Scrum
Scrum
Possibly an opposition try
Kick off: Scrum due to kick off going straight into touch
Opposition try
More scrums
1 more oppo try
Ben goes off

Needless to say, not the best start to a game. But suddenly, it seemed like the 3 tries in quick succession got the prideful and vengeful juices flowing and media 2s woke the fuck up. And what a wake up. We quickly got our heads screwed on and started smashing agaisnt the oppo both in attack and in d. We were quickly camped in their 5 yard line. I know charlie boles scored by gliding through their defence beautifully to score nearish the posts at some stage in the game and I think it was here.

The run of play was all media for the rest of the half. Despite some difficulties in the scrum against their distinctly 20th century prop, the pack shone from now until the end of the game: supporting each other wonderfully, smashing themselves against the oppo defense over and over again with an intensity ne’er before witnessed by goose shit field. Our entire team defended like men possessed, with a physicality that would put the entire cast of Physical 100 to shame. We ended up once again in their 5 yard line with a delicious penalty, and deciding to pick and go, yours truly promptly got flattened, but we set ourselves up nicely and a few more strong carries saw us continuing to look very very dangerous indeed. Unfortunately the whistle went for half time, after what seemed like only 20 minutes of play. (I think).
Farnham 15 (or 17), Media 5. Oh and Ashley got a yellow for his (3rd) high tackle in a row just before half time.

The second half was once again all media. More wonderful forwards play followed by the backs stringing today lovely play kept us camped in the oppos half. At some stage the opposition ended up very very near to our try line, but Mr Handsome stepped up to the plate with possibly the best jackal under the posts within the 5 yard line i’ve ever seen. What a man, i’ve never celebrated so hard in my life. Penalty to media.

A wonderful nudge by charlie gave us a lineout in the 5 yard. Mattlock blue was promptly called, leading to Mr Handsome himself scoring a lovely try off the back of the maul.

Soon after we were ONCE AGAIN camped in the oppo’s 5 yard line, when suddenly I felt a cannonball hit me in the back: Olly scoring from a delicious pick and go. A good day for the front row of media (come back soon olly).

The oppo scored a try at some point in the second half, and then in the last 30 seconds of the game the opposition passed it down the line, and were given a try that was very clearly in touch, despite everyone on the side-line (apart from ben the touch judge) saying it was out. Frustration upon frustration (Giles might even have thrown some mud at the floor: you get em Giles). Whistle over. And… breathe..
Media 17 – Farnham 29.

I cannot reiterate how much we played our hearts out on Saturday: despite a loss, a huge amount of good to build on there, with great games from all in the team. Brilliant leadership from Giles, Hedge, Josh and Charlie, and an unbelievable amount of grit in fronting up to the opposition: they did not want it from us and we stuck it to them throughout the game. I’m still very sore, and very proud to have been a member of the mighty mighty media 2s on the day of the battle of goose shit field. Best game of rugby i’ve played in, possibly ever.
Up the fucking media boys,

Saturday 27th November:

1st XV – Surrey Counties 3 – Away vs Met Police

It was a wet and windy day as the Media travelled to Met Police for an away home game. No Josh Palmer meant absolutely no one knew how to do a warm up, with boys haplessly downward-dogging and waving at the sky to try and stretch any muscle they could find. Anticipation was building. The Met had a few meat heads, but these were Coppers. Surely the Feds would play the game clean and fair, right?

A big start from Media had us camped out in the Met’s half for the first ten. Some huge carries and big D eventually paved the way to our first two pens with Lakey taking the points. 6-0.

The Coppers didn’t like it. Not one bit. Harvey started to acquaint himself with their 7, putting in a few big shots and big carries straight into him. Their tighthead demanded he raise his fists ‘if he fancied it’. This would be the start of the spice.

Camped in our 22, some huge D saw the Met unable to get through our defence. A turnover came, a stunning boxy from Morgan and a stream-line Tom Pearce, wearing no socks to game maximum speed, nailed a Copper and sent him flying. The Pigs were incensed over a perfectly legal shot. The Media were starting to rattle them. A 10 minute break followed whilst the Copper remained on the ground. You know you’re taking too long to get up when the oppo start doing hand drills to keep warm.

With the game resumed Media found ourselves back in the Met 22. A delicious poke through from Harry and touch down by Tom saw a try called, only for the Met coach to threaten the ref with a Fixed Penalty Notice and 3 points on his license. No try called and Media awarded a pen instead. We kick to the corner. Much like the domination in the scrum, when maul time came the Media marched through, Knighty chuckling as he’s elevated at the top of the maul being carried toward the try line and Charlie going over for the try. 11-0.

Media then decided we fucking hated being 11-0 up and the game was too easy. Successive yellows from Josh and Charlie remedied just that taking us down to 13 men. More running and a man down in the scrums. A props dream.

The Mets heads were continually being lost at their inability to break the Media D. Some big shots from
Sam Watson saw him being filled in directly in front of the ref. ‘I saw nothing’ he said. Classic French ref. At this point the Met scored but I have absolutely no recollection of the try. Was probably shit. 11-5.

Into the second half and the boys were playing well. Media found ourselves with a penalty on their five metre. Scrum called, and the front row took them to the scrummaging dojo (see previous video for evidence). The ball falls loose at the back and some slick work from Morgan gets the ball to Headbutt Dan for another try. 16-5.

With the second try came another yellow, this time Headbutt Dan for lifting the player above the horizontal. This wasn’t to be his final act.

Down to 14 and deep into the game, the Met were increasingly building the pressure after discovering they actually had players outside 12 that they were allowed to pass the ball to. Despite some superb D from all 15, the Met found their way over the try line and added the extras. 16-12.

In the final moments the tension was high. The 7 was still totally obsessed with Harvey. All 14 of the bold, bearded Feds trying to find a way to scrap. Headbutt Dan drives their winger out into touch. By pure accident, Headbutt Dan’s head makes contact, with considerable force, with another of the Coppers. Ref didn’t see it. Just a rugby incident from what I witnessed.

Some huge defence and strong running saw the boys secure a 16-12 win to start the year as we mean to go on. Champagne Moment shoutout to Josh for a behind the back catch from a cross-field which the ref called back for hating flair.

2nd XV – Surrey Conference – Away vs Old Blues RFC

The Media boys travelled away to the Old Blue’s hopping on the 12:36 to Mostpur Park from being on the receiving end of what can only be described as God’s bladder exploding over us (please use your imagination).

Upon arrival to the not so regular clubhouse, we got the mood set in stone early on = good vibes only.

The pitch as you may all know was not in its finest appearance. From what I can only describe as the most group bound warm up, I have been a part of, Darragh decided to start shit stirring and saying the ref was going to call the game off due to the conditions. No luck of the Irish there.

Media started the match receiving from their 10 to only kick it straight out play, good start. The forwards were met against a rather large and powerful oppo creating a strong contest for all scrums throughout. After a huge defensive shift from everyone in our 22 for a good 10-15 minutes, Old Blue’s got over the line despite our efforts.

Lestyn thought highly of their 10’s kicking ability a decided to copy him doing the exact same thing, cheers! As the match got underway again, Media found their rhythm with some great marshalling from Niam the phases were ever so slightly heading towards their line. Thankfully, Lestyn learnt from his previous fling of his boot and put their 15 (who wore shorts with pockets on) under the cosh with a lovely high ball only to kack his pants and fumble. The pressure continued with our pods breaking through their defence allowing Lestyn space and awareness to give a Marcus Smith esque inside ball to Angus who trotted over the line, 5-7 Media.

The contest was becoming very physical and it started to show that the Old Blues were well drilled in this sense (having a coach is too mainstream for us). The oppo scored through a strong carry from their 8 who was one big mumma. From the restart, Lestyn once again decided to kick the ball a matter on 9 meteres so we were back to square one. The game was a tale of territory at this point, whoever was in the oppositions 22 went on to score – so we did. I think Fionn had enough and decided to take matters into his own hand and broke off several tackles to score right of the posts, much to our encouragement to go under, game on.

After some side-to-side rugby, Old Blue’s made a break down the wing who believed they had scored. A very questionable shout from me saying it went forward, the ref took his considerable time to disallow, rightly so. This only came back to haunt us as Old Blues scored a double making the score line 24-14 at half time.

Might I add, Alex absolutely munched their 10 which got Alex surprisingly rallied up #IrishBosh

The game got underway again and this half was very different from the first. Media dominated possession for the best part of 25/30 mins just being camped in their 22 but somehow just could not score. We discovered their winger also did not like the high ball so Lestyn targeted that just nailing bombs down his throat for him to then make some handling errors. I think we were all scratching our heads trying to figure out how the score line was the same. Due to some injuries the scrums became uncontested which was much to our advantage. After a long period of pod action from us fatigue started to kick in and the tackles got sloppy, and this led to a few breakaway tries much to Niam’s efforts to tap tackle everyman and his dog. A makeshift backline was formed with Darragh and Luke making a very one dimensional centre partnership due to more injuries. A highlight of the 2nd half was Giles absolute monster of a kick from our own 22 to eventually mean nada as the ref had already blown his whistle.

Final score 43-14 Old Blues. The score line really does not do the performance justice

Saturday 27th November:

2nd XV – Surrey Conference – Away vs Bec Old Boys RFC

The game kicked off and Media started very well. Two quick tries from Josh Wright (standing in at 9 for the day) put us 14-5 ahead with the downhill advantage.

With the game going well, Smithy decided that life was too easy, and dove off his feet in a ruck to give Old Becs a pen just outside the 22. They ran it, and a few phases later scored to bring the game back to 14-10. For the second time in a row, their 10 missed a conversion from right in front of the posts…

With big hits flying in, Media became victims to a couple of injuries, with Herbie coming off clutching a shoulder, Giles coming off with a wee head knock, and try-scorer Josh also headed to the bench. With Giles off, Darragh stepped up as captain and for the rest of the game, led by example across the field. Made some huge carries, won all his tackles, and was mercurial in the rucks.

With players coming on in positions they don’t usually play in, the game opened up a little and Becs ran in a try in the corner as a result. Media weren’t disheartened and played aggressively attacking rugby to push back- Luke Farrant made a brilliant break with a downhill advantage and only just got stopped, somehow.

Half Time score: 14-17 to Old Becs.

The second half began with urgency and Media camped in OB’s 5m zone for what felt like forever. The ref must have been watching the hockey on the neighbouring field, and missed some pretty blatant infringements which led to a questionable turnover and a clearance kick hacked downfield. An unlucky bounce and a downhill momentum meant OB’s were able to collect their own kick and score under the posts completely agains the run of play. Somehow their 10 missed another sitter in front of the sticks to keep Media within a score to draw level.

With 30 mins left to play, Media ran on some more subs, and we entered into a heavyweight clash that would run for the rest of the game. Blows were exchanged across the field, and big hits flew in in defence and attack. Josh Palmer made a brilliant break in the midfield as first receiver, and was only brought down five metres from the line- agonisingly close. Bill Barker also made a fantastic, game-saving tackle to shut down a massive overlap that kept the game in their 22 as well. Media were right in it up until the final whistle.

With time running out, Ben slotted a pen to bring us within a converted try to win, however time and pitch gradient were not on our side. Despite the forwards’ dominance in scrums and breakdowns, we ran out of time. Felt like we were a bee’s dick away from winning that game, but it was still a fun performance to be a part of.

Positive things to take away from the game were that this was a team that hadn’t really played together all too much, and despite an apparent lack of chemistry (highlighted by Giles), the squad gelled together well. Secondly, the pack dominance was immense- at times it felt like their scrum was on rollerblades. We stopped them ever having a solid platform to play from, and made a huge difference.

FInal Score: 22-17

Saturday 1st October:

1st XV – Surrey Counties 3 – Home vs Economicals RFC

A late arrival due to the traffic, changing by the side of the pitch and causing a delayed kick off. In years gone by this could have been a very accurate description of a media team arriving at Battersea Park however on this occasion it was the ref with all 18 Media players having been on the pitch well before kick off for a very professional warm up -times have changed.
 
Media started well for the 3rd successive week, keeping hold of the ball and going through the phrases – eventually Sam managed to break through a few tackles & go through unopposed under the posts – conversion nailed by pre-game kicking audition winner Josh Wright. From the kick off Media we immediately on the front foot again, some big carries from the forward pack gave the backs enough space to put Josh in the corner although he couldn’t convert his own try.
 
20 mins into the game and everything seemed to be going our way however we should have known better as a number of dubious penalty calls put Media under pressure allowing Economicals to score twice in quick succession as we got closer to half time. But the boys responded quickly, piling on the pressure again in the 22 and from a dominant scrum (theme of the day), Jay took an inside ball from Josh  to go under the posts and this time he definitely put the ball down – conversion scored.
 
As the half drew to a close Media continued to batter away at the Economical’s line looking for the bonus point try which eventually came from a scrum against the head only for the referee to decide that Sam hadn’t managed to get the ball down despite ALL the evidence that he had.
 
HT: Media 19- 14 Ecomonicals
 
The 2nd half started brightly with a clean exit from the kick off and from the line out Cam picked out a loose pass from the oppo’s new 9 to score the bonus point try under the posts and make up for Sam’s disallowed one moments before. Conversion scored.
 
Again Economicals were given the benefit of the doubt by the referee for the next 10 mins and were camped in the Media 22 but for all the time they were unable to break through with some massive defence – in the end a quick tap penalty was the only thing that allowed them to get over the line and bring the deficit down to 5.
 
Media responded again, Cam floated a ball out to Harry that looked to be the perfect try assist only for the ref to call it back for a forward pass. From the scrum however Media put the pressure on winning a penalty and from the tap, Josh took off on one of his customary sideways runs making it to the far touchline before rolling the ball inside to his namesake to score his 2nd try of the day- conversion missed.
 
No sooner had we had put daylight between us, some sloppy defending and a dropped ball allowed Economicals to score again. However Media didn’t take this lying down and a rampaging run from Donkey No.1 George Simpson gave him a well-deserved try to extend our lead. But Media don’t do things the easy way and with a few minutes to go Economicals managed to score once again to bring the deficit to 5 with 1 min remaining.
 
Following the kick off, Media’s defence stepped up, routinely smashing back carriers– finally the ball came loose and was sent into touch.
 
FT: Media 38- 33 Ecomonicals

2nd XV – Surrey Conference – Away vs Mayfair Occies RFC

“I’m gonna break someones fucking leg” is probably not the smartest thing to say in front of the referee before kick off, but in fairness to Smithy, their Captain did break Pete’s leg last year, so there we go and the vibe was set.

After 5 minutes their “James Arthur ate all the pies” captain had made it clear that the Pete Green incident was no accident, shoulder charging everyone in sight as soon as he realised the ref didn’t know that you aren’t allowed to do that.  After 15 minutes of doing everything we said we wouldn’t and conceding 14 points we decided to play some rugby, and that we did. Our forwards now keeping possession well and creating a nice platform for the backs to start running some moves, media soon realised the weakness was in their lineouts, and smartly converted some intercepted line outs in to points and got level 14-14

With shoulder charges still coming thick and fast and still no cards or a half time whistle in sight, Scott took it upon himself to devise a crazy crazy plan. What if, the way to get their captain a card was as simple as headbutting him? No, that couldn’t work…could it? I guess there’s only one way to find out? Scott and James Arthur both in the bin, holy shit it worked. Justice for Pete (who I’m pretty sure Scott has never met) achieved. Lovely stuff. Headbutt Dan take some notes mate.

At the start of the second half it really did feel like the momentum was with Media but with an exchanging lead for the last 20 some really questionable refereeing decisions including a penalty for “looking like you were about to stamp on someone” or something, the match was lost by a whisker and EVERYONE SHOOK HANDS AND LEFT IT ALL ON THE PITCH LIKE GENTLEMEN.

Some really stand out performances and in my humble opinion a very promising 2nd team this year moving in the right direction. There will be a lot of wins this season I am sure of it.

Saturday 24th September:

1st XV – Surrey Counties 3 – Away vs Staines RFC

Staines 27-34 Media

In classic London Media fashion, we had a ref who liked the sound of his own voice and hated everyone else’s. This made our job to get the dub a lot harder. However, this did not stop us!

Physical first 10 mins against a BIG Staines team who loved to run in one direction. After a period of sustained possession from the boys, Max, who loves finding the hole, darts and offloads to Euan. To say this catch was impressive doesn’t do it justice. Catching the ball behind his back and spinning it round like a Harlem Globetrotter to score in the corner. BOSH.

Try of the day was finished off by Jay, after 5/6 offloads. The definition of ‘Joue’

22 points up with the game in our hands the ref started to spice things up. Penalty after penalty allowed Staines to get back into the game making it 20-22 to Media. Once we got our shit back together, 2 back-to-back tries both from Euan helped us get that well earnt dub.

In the wise words of Gandhi, *WHAT A DAY!*

2nd XV – Surrey Conference – Home vs Old Haileyburians RFC

OCs 52 – 35 Media 

I think a lot of the boys there on saturday would agree that the 2s game was defo a game of two halves. The boys started well, punching holes in the defence early on, if it wasn’t for a few unlucky handling mistakes we could have got 2/3 in the first 10 mins! Nonetheless we managed to get over first, dotting down just under the posts. The media boys were up for this! 

Fast forward 15 mins and I think it’s safe to say we all were feeling the effects of a few months off the pitch. We found it hard to contain a mixture of some huge runners and power in their front row, what should have been a back row playing 10 for them, as-well as some great offloads. The points started to rack up for OCs and we found ourselves 4 tries down going into the break.

Going into half time we all knew something needed to switch up and we needed to get up for this physicality in the second half. I’m not sure what it was, maybe the group inhale of smithy’s blue razz elf bar? But the boys came out flying in the second half. 

We controlled the majority of that second half. We controlled the tempo, we started to dominate the scrum and we were able to play the media way. Some massive runs from Smithy, Giles and co off our papers, allowing us the get the ball into the backs where Charlie, Herbie, Rory and Josh were running show on that left hand wing. 

We punched through holes and we managed to rack up 2 quick tries with Josh turbo charging down the wing and Dan collecting a loose ball and practically running the pitch. We were within 12 points with around 15 mins to go. 

The boys dug deep but unfortunately the ref wasn’t on our side for a lot of the last 10 mins, we conceded a try with a few mins to go pushing the game just out of our reach. 

Fucking massive credit to the boys for the way we dominated that second half, I think we won the second half 21-5 or something like that so defo need to pat ourselves on the back for that performance after being on the back foot. 

Saturday 17th September:

1st XV – Surrey Counties 3 – Home vs Worth Old Boys RFC

In typical Media fashion we were determined to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. And by God were we heartbreakingly successful at that. WOBS fought hard to stay in the game, and punished us with points when the opportunities arose. They were definitely spurred on by a large crowd of all of their family they were dating on the sidelines. Even Amanda Seyfried made an appearance to support the away side.

That’s not to say we didn’t play some good stuff at times though, we put ourselves in a winnable position. And we were one pass/phase away from adding to the scoreboard on multiple occasions.

An early try saw Euan Coull burst through the centre channel to touchdown. A touching moment for Euan who could barely contain his tears in honour of Big Lizzy. A tribute that she would’ve loved. Turns out Euan didn’t need that cereal bar to still have a great impact.

Second try came from immense defensive pressure from Sam Watson. Blitzing their ten in the opposition 22 and dislodging the ball with a steam train of a hit. Josh Palmer picked up the loose change and sauntered over the line to add the points the pressure deserved.

A couple of penalties from Ben in high pressure situations, keeping his cool.

Media’s final try came from sustained phases playing our structure. Eventually creating an overlap on the right hand side. Cam did well to pick up the pass off his shoelaces, Knighty drew his opposite man and released well, and I scored with a simply stunning finish, walking into the corner to touchdown.

Final score: Media 25 – 27 WOBS

2021/2022 Season

Saturday 14th May:

Over 30 vs Under 30s – Annual Tradition

London Media Overs 12 – London Media Unders 35

Baking in the impressively glorious May sunshine, Esher rugby club paid host to the most hotly anticipated rugby clash of the afternoon at Esher rugby club in the specific timeframe in which this game took place. The sight of rigs, cans and dodgy drop-goal attempts wetted the appetites of the dozen or spectators nicely. Pre-game, the Unders’ warm ups had the blockbuster verve of every homo-erotically charged scene in Tom Cruise’s filmography combined. Meanwhile, the Overs’ dusted off their dentures with the conviction of Hans Moleman being hit in the groin with an American football. To say optimism was high in their camp before the first whistle would be as bold as claiming tractor research is a permissible excuse for watching pornography in the House of Commons.

Immediately from kick off the Overs seized the initiative with temporary super-sub Oil Pepperell gathering the restart. The young whippersnappers looked to be pinned in their half, only for a series of infringements from the opposition providing an easy exit. Boos greeted captain for the day and Benidorm’s favourite late-night hand puppet Max Goreham’s decision to seek touch on successive occasions. A fierce contest emerged at the set piece throughout the day, as Brian Furey set about scrapping for every ball.

As the game settled into a slightly more steady, perhaps even turgid, rhythm, aided and abetted by the referee’s desire to see 4,000 scrums attempted before the game’s end, the Unders’ backline dominance began to tell. But not before the soon-to-be anointed London Media Dickhead of the Season, Daniel Barratt, was taught a lesson in white-line humility. Daring to take on the Overs’ quickest and most handsome scrumfly-half in a contest of running, the marathon man was dealt a hit that would’ve had Mel Gibson quivering, “They’ll never take our freedom!” A huge opportunity dropped (over the line), Dan Barratt writhing fake-injured on the ground: was this to be the Overs’ day after all?

No.

In fact, quite the opposite. Overs’ centres Nour and a terminally-ill Make-A-Wish foundation child named Corbin had the thankless task of marshalling Cam and Josh all afternoon. The level to which they were marshalled is best left unsaid in this publication, however it should be noted that Cam garnered plenty of MotM nominations for his splendid try tally at game’s end. By the end of the first third, the Unders had established a healthy lead; their forward pack mixing dynamism with steel to keep Media’s pensioners chasing shadows. As much as Max feared being treated like some sort of pink-shirted punching bag before the game, on the day he had time to fire passes towards all of his fleet-footed weapons.

Keen to put a stamp on the second interval, the Overs’ captain, Alex Moreman, set out a clear plan: keep the ball tight and show those young upstarts how it’s done! Duncan McGill rallied his forward pack towards the line with the gusto of a care home resident who’d just found out it was tripe-Tuesday in the cafeteria. Furey, Luke and Will all contributed manfully to a series of paper calls that brought the Overs to within sight of the line. Their first attempt at dotting over was deemed to be held up, before Corbin did the honours with a strong finish, running past Max with the grace of a diseased elephant, though a diseased elephant might have had a better crack at the conversion. 5-20(ish).

Before the final whistle there was plenty more drama to come. There was the scrum that got reset. And another. And another. And another. And a few more after that! Cheffy was in heaven. There were also tries for Media’s perma-absent Australian contingent, Jack Carlton and Joe Selwood, the latter popping up at full back for a few neat scores and one impressive touchline conversion. For the Overs, Barratt-ruiner Ben McClellan grabbed a try from a quick tap and slotted the conversion with much more style than Joe.

The end-of-season awards were presented later in the evening back at The Railway. Clubman of the year went deservedly to Will Hannam while Cheffy was awarded the Steve Davis trophy (is this the award given for turning up exactly 1 minute before kick off and putting in a huge shift?). First and Second XV players of the season went to Fergus Smithers and Giles Harker respectively, while Morgan Ball and Jonny Miller picked up the most improved player awards. A huge congratulations to all of them and big thank you to the committee for plugging away this season and making sure our games (mostly) went ahead. And finally, a huge thank you to you, the reader. If you are reading this – first of all, well done because I have rambled quite a bit – then you are the reason that the London Media spirit is alive and well and we can host lovely occasions such as this. Roll on next season. Up the Media!

Saturday 23rd April:

Tour XV – TOUR- Away vs Denia RFC

Media took on Denia RFC on Friday night, Denia off the back of an unbeaten season in Valencia division 5 were up for the challenge. Thursday’s preparation was perfection, a gentle team bonding session and an early night, ready for tomorrow’s action. In an attempt to stay sober, hydrated and relaxed, the touring party were thrilled with excitement for a day spent at the water park. Unfortunately, Max being the incapable human that he is, forgot to book the aforementioned waterpark and it turns out it doesn’t even open until the 4^th May. We soldiered on towards the 7:30 kick off with only a 45 minute delay waiting for Dan Poulson. As the bus was almost ready to leave, Morgan jumped off as he felt his 6 pints of diet coke coming back up. No matter how bad Morgan or any of the rest of us felt before kick off, we knew that we all felt better than our fearless first team captain Dan Barrett, I imagine the thought of 4 days without a Strava post had got the better of him. 

Denia being the Fijian capital of Spain had caused media mild concern before kick off, but the Media machine powered through to create an early 4 on 1 down the blind side in what was surely the first try of the day, Harvey however had other ideas, still drunk from the night before, decided to kick the ball 40 meters sideways and into touch. Nevertheless, we did score the first try, I think I finished it, but no idea what happened beforehand. Denia followed the first half with two tries of their own, one from possibly the strangest lineout in history and another that I also cannot remember. We scored another try, maybe from Morgan, who had found his second wind and leading the media charge. Denia ran hard through their Matador number 6 and Jonah Lomu on the wing, who had managed to break through 8 or so Media players without any of us slowing him down (myself included). After some fantastic phase play at the end of the half, Josh W decided to throw a no look pass behind his back to the floor this did not resonate well with an angry Corbin. 

The second half started with a Denia kick and screams from Judge of “it will go short” we all stepped back, it went short and we lost the ball. The match soon descended into chaos. There were some extremely suspect referring decisions in the second half, which centred around the referees’ quote of “if the tv is on, the sky is always up”. Rory with a man of the match worthy try saving tackle almost uprooted the post in the act and came off injured. A heinous act by their number 12 almost killed Josh Wright so the opposition went down to 14 men. From here what happened is a complete blur, Steve and Jon Moreman made some huge tackles in defence and Brian and Oli made an impact in attack. Morgan scored his second which was almost certainly not grounded, Brian scored with a knock on, and Dan Barrett scored following a very forward pass from Max. We won 25-22, however we did lost the boat race and their skinniest player beat Brian in an arm wrestle. 

Saturday 5th March:

1st XV – Surrey 2- Away vs Old Wellingtonians RFC

Arriving at the ground we were greeted by traditional British winter weather, grey skies, drizzle and a slight chill in the air. As we gathered in the changing room a familiar pattern began to appear of boys arriving with cans of red bull and coffees, looking for a quick pick up from the previous night. The words ‘DELETE IT’ still ringing in a few heads. After sharing stories of Pete seeing off 4 pints in the space of 10 minutes and Smithy defecating his bedroom carpet we ran out to warm up. In a very un-media like fashion we warmed up with pretty much a full squad (sorry Luke) and with 10 mins before kick off were told that Old Wellys could not field a full 15 man team. As an anxious crowd of four 60 year old men (and Britain’s next Olympic marathon hope Dan Barratt) gathered, we kicked off with a 2 man numerical advantage. 
Straight from the off we claimed possession with Fergus leaping like a salmon in the air to claim the ball and put us on the front foot. After a few early penalties we found ourselves pushed back into our own 22, being 2 men down Wellys decided to go route 1 and give it to some of their big forwards. After hitting a few soft media shoulders they powered their way over to take an unexpected early lead, which they converted, 7-0 to Wellys. Conceding early was the kick up the arse media needed as we began to go through the phases and make some metres,. Some big carries from Harvey and Lewis put us into their 22 where Fergus was able to pick up from the back of a ruck, slip the tackle and run under the sticks for media’s first score, converted by Ben to square the game 7-7. The realisation of our advantage out wide led to a succession of quick tries for media, some excellent phases from the pack allowed Josh and Cam to cut holes in Welly’s defence setting me up for a simple two on one pass (surprised I didn’t fuck it up) to Mossy who ran in for his first media try. Some more big carries from the pack took us back into their half after the restart and after some nice offloads Cam shrugged off some tackles to bag his first of the afternoon. Knighty then crossed after more powerful carries from our pack however Wellys hit back through their big forwards slipping off a few tackles and crossing our line. We finished the half with good attacking play through Josh, Tom and Cam in the midfield which allowed Morgan to snipe from a ruck and get over for media’s fifth try of the half.
HT: Media 35 – Wellys 14
The half time talk mainly focused around getting up in their faces defensively and upping the chat, assuming that some boys vocals were a tad fragile after the previous nights visit to a karaoke bar. The beginning of the second half was a mirror image of the first as Wellys went up the middle with their hefty forwards, getting over the gain line. Even after some brave media defence they once again broke through to score early. We struck back soon after with Cam’s second try set up by a great break from Lewis. After a bit of ill discipline let Wellys into our half, they put it through the hands for what felt like the first time in the match and managed to make some ground. They then resorted back to their big ball carriers and crashed over the line again, media still up by 42-28. After a brilliant line out steal from Knighty we bounced back through more big carries from Freddie and Lewis which gave Harvey the opportunity to practice a looping Carlos Spencer esque pass to the backs which saw Ben go over in the corner. Josh then decided to take the second half aim of ‘meeting them physically’ a little bit too far as he dumped the opposition centre and was yellow carded for not bringing the man down safely. Josh claimed post match that it was his ‘bad back’ that made him drop the guy…an argument which did not save him from being labelled DOTD. Fortunately Josh’s absence didn’t hinder our performance as we put the ball through the hands once more to put Cam away and he ran in his hat-trick try. We closed the game with a great score from Fergus as he threw an outrageous dummy in a two on one match up to gallop in from 30 metres, a try I’m sure he’ll mention down the latch time and time again. He then asked to take the conversion which went roughly 30 metres right of the sticks and into the neighbours garden. 

FT: Media 57 – Wellys 28 

Saturday 15th January:

2nd XV – Home vs Old Haileyburians

London Media 2s met at our home ground of Battersea Fortress with good expectations on a foggy Saturday afternoon, we’d even managed to assemble a playing squad of 22!

The game kicked-off…and within 5 minutes, they scored after spending a bit too long in our 22…

Our reply…a cheeky counter, something akin to The Great Train Robbery. The ball was spilled by the oppo, kicked through…kicked again…and again…and TRY. We were going toe to toe! Mike Low conjuring his inner McCoist (Scottish fitba player). Mad Max with the restart, which a cool 3ft…scrum restart it is then.

Following this the team began to get into their rhythm a bit more when getting more front foot ball, our only major drawback during a 20-25 minute period in the first half being ill-discipline. There were at least 3-4 instance where we were walked back an extra 10m, which cost us a good number of points as the oppo began to eventually make a bit of distance on the score sheet, they were a well drilled team as they had been earlier in the season.

There was a bit of a turning point 5 minutes from the break as we began to gather our heads a bit more and win back the ref, gradually pinning ourselves in their 22 for a good sustained period. This culminating in a 5m penalty near the corner, and with the kicking prowess that had been on show currently by us, we astutely opted to tap and go. It was Big Ollie to receive, and then calmy proceeded to come in like a wrecking ball, dispensing of 4 defenders to cross of the line for our second try, well deserved. It was following this that the oppo began to lose the ref after moaning, wrongly, about the rules, always a losing battle.

This meant we began the second-half with the wind in our tails, after making a few changes to refresh the look of the team. The Oppo looked to almost make a whole squad rotation, utilising their massive bench of almost 30 players, one of whom we’ll call “Love Island” definitely spent too much time chuggin if his biceps were anything to go by!

This half was much more in our favour, with us being more patient in building the phases and not trying to force it, we retained the ball with more confidence and managed to completely shut them out defensively. The final 30 minutes saw us play with 4 9s in the backline, always a good sign, with the forwards maintaining good form, though maybe we just lost a slight edge at the set-piece.

All in all, we maybe just started too slowly against a team that came prepared, and with a whole new team to roll-on after the break. Our second half showing was much grittier and controlled, winning the referee back and giving ourselves a decent chance of getting back into the game, we definitely ended on a positive in our play. In the words of D:Ream, things can only get better!

Saturday 8th January:

1st XV – Surrey Cup – Away vs Met Police RFC

A quick train ride spent collectively cursing our hangovers, and discussing if we could try to play the cup game out to a 0-0 draw (away team wins in this instance), we arrived at Imber court and laced up for what we hoped would be a glorious day that we could rub in the faces of our absent joint captains DBaz and Knighty. Didn’t quite play out like that unfortunately

How to start? With a kick off surely, Ben disagreed and scruffed the ball half a metre so we could have a scrum and assert our dominance early, which the media pack obligingly did. The scrum would turn out to be a dominant area for Media with not an inch of ground or put it lost over the whole afternoon, including turnovers. A good achievement in horrible muddy conditions.

An early try from Met Police after 5 minutes woke us up and we rallied well controlling the play for the next 10 minutes or so. I don’t really remember their next try because I had an eyeball full of mud, but Met Police against the run of play were 12-0. We went back at them and held position in their half, drawing a few penalties and starting to ask questions. A cheeky little crossfield to Alex Moreman from Ben on a penalty advantage led to one of the most curious moments I’ve witnessed in London Media. Moreman ball in hand, falls over the line…doesn’t put the ball down, defender comes in, ball held up. It was odd, we’ll forgive him, it was his birthday and we went back for the penalty which Harvey scored… by putting the ball down… over the line… as is customary.

Second half we kept the pressure on. Met Police receiving a Yellow early on for a high tackle and it did feel like we going to sneak it, but some missed tackles and insanely rapid winger meant they stretched the final score line out to a misleading 27-5.

Considering the squad and the conditions I think we can hold our heads up on this one, especially the old boys Chef and Russ playing a full 80.

Saturday 30th October:

1st XV – Surrey 2 – Away vs Old Blues RFC

Score: LMRFC – 0 Old Blues – A lot

In the eternal words of Harvey Price, last Saturday could be summed up with “What A Daaaay”. A near full contingent met at Clapham Junction, eagerly anticipating a 4pm kick off and a rare opportunity to play under the lights at Old Blues’ ground (OBs). Many of the squad had presumably, like me, spent most of the day at a complete loss, unsure what do with themselves ahead of the late kick off. The team arrived in good time and spirits were high as we ran around the paddock, watched on by a certain Maxi Arrowsmith, London Media’s youngest fan.  With the way availability is going this year he may be starting before too long!

The game kicked off and Media started strong. OBs kicked off and Media returned strongly with a few powerful paper and rock balls. Corralled by Max at 9, Media rolled to just outside the Blues 22 and it was looking like an upset could be on the cards. However, Blues defended well and it became clear from their exit play that OBs were a well drilled team. Poor Jack at 15 had to contend with a number of very well weighted box kicks, each time collecting the ball with four very large OBs forwards in his peripherals. Unfortunately this strong kick chase and discipline led to Media being pinned back in our half. It was only a matter of time before OBs’ attacking shape would reap the reward of a first try. My memory is hazy but I think the OB no.8 cut a great line in the midfield which put him clean through against the full back. A few phases and desperate tackles later OBs barrelled over for the first of what would be many. The rugby gods were not in Media’s favour because shortly after this, our fullback Jack had to exit the field with a suspected broken leg – so broken that he could only hobble to the pub later. If that wasn’t enough, centre Josh had to scoot off to hospital with a suspected bicep tear achieved through some very fearless defence in midfield. The backs were bolstered for a period by Piers but having only planned to play 20 minutes in a gradual return to playing rugby, no risks were taken and we went back down to 13 men for the majority of the game. To top this all off, one of those 13 was a very poorly Knighty!  

By half time the result wasn’t in question, OBs were about 5 tries up and we were playing for pride. OBs refused to go down to 13 men but hey, they have a league to win. Media were faced with the prospect of giving in or stepping up. Dan rallied the troops and made clear that it was effort he was looking for in the second half. We were playing for each other and what London Media represents, not a score. The boys stepped up to the plate. For the first 20 minutes of the second half Media kept OBs scoreless and confined to their half thanks to some rampaging carries and strong defence. OBs had a few very impressive dynamic forwards who were held at the gain line with big hits from Oli, Harvey and Lewis (to name a few) whereas out wide the OBs backs were kept from going wide by Iestyn, Dan and Arrows. OBs managed to sneak a few more tries but we didn’t make it easy for them. Even in attack, our skills and general phase play was some of the best so far this year, an incredible achievement considering how hard everyone had to work to get around the field. It’s normally quite difficult to find positives in a loss so great but OBs will be kicking themselves that they didn’t put more past a depleted team and for that, we can be proud.

Apologies for the match report being rather brief this week however I can honestly say that I’ve not been prouder to be a part of London Media than on Saturday. Everyone dug in and played for each other, putting bodies on the line and remaining positive. A favourite saying of mine is ‘Win or Lose, on the Booze’ and the boys didn’t disappoint with a strong showing at the Latchmere where we linked back up with the 2s chewing the fat and even singing a newly adopted club song, Country Road.

Saturday 23rd October:

1st XV – Surrey 2 – Away vs Cranleigh RFC

As the boys gathered at Junction on Saturday there was a sense of excitement amongst the group – another away day on the bus and a clash with the only other side in the league who were winless meant that celebrating a first win of the year on the bus home was very possible.  

In true Media fashion the bus left late as we waited for Whitey to decide whether he wanted to get off the train at Junction to join us or head on down to Guildford to enjoy the delights of the Surrey hills on his own – he chose the latter and an expensive taxi to the ground was his reward (as was the DOTD pint at the end of the game).  

Arriving down in the Cranleigh (which couldn’t have been more rural) with 40 mins to go until kick off and finding the oppo fully changed and going through their warmups didn’t do much to dent the confidence in the team. A quick warm up and the usual teaching of the calls to some lads and the game kicked off. Immediately we made good metres with our forward carries before Ben was released down the righthand side. Having evaded two defenders he only had the fullback in his sights with Morgan offering a simple 2 on 1 option on his inside – however Ben ‘the Butcher” McClellan wanted to live up to his nickname – tried to take on the fullback and was bundled into touch…..however a good start from the Media.  

Following more pressure and a missed penalty, our hard work paid off with some quick hands on the right allowing Ben to go over in the corner – conversion missed. Cranleigh began to build their way into the game and the next 20 mins of the first half was spent defending against their heavy pack. The Media wall held firm until a string of penalties (the theme of the day) gave Cranleigh a lineout 10m from the line. Some incredible defence from Will & Whitey stopped them on this occasion however following another penalty we were in the same position only a few minutes later. Again the Media defence held out including some heroic last ditch tackles on the line which then allowed Cam to get the jackal penalty on the next phase.   

With a few minutes to go until half time, there was just enough time for Media to launch another attack. Conor’s long kick into the oppo’s 22 was brilliantly chased by Josh, Euan & Dan – the turnover was won and after a phase or two – Josh was able to break a tackle and go over for the try. Ben slotted the conversion to end the half.  

HT: Cranleigh 0 – 12 London Media

Following half time Media fell back into the habit of compounding mistakes with multiple penalties being given away in a row. This time following the maul from the 10m lineout, the defence wasn’t able to reorganise quickly enough and Cranleigh managed to get their try – conversion missed.  

The next 10 mins saw Media controlling territory and possession but were unable to put any more points on the board. The sense of frustration was building which then resulted in the team getting on the wrong side of referee including Josh telling the elderly gentleman to “get out of my fucking way” when trying to make a tackle on one of the Cranleigh forwards. Another row of penalties ensued with the team given a final sinbin warning as Cranleigh walked forward for another lineout 10m from the line. 

With only 5 mins to go – the game hinged on the next defensive set but Media were up for the challenge – some huge hits on the Cranleigh pack resulted in a knock on and from the scrum, Morgan’s exit was huge and took us back to halfway. Then from the lineout another penalty meant we were back in our 22 again and having to defend. As the oppo backs went left Cam made the hit on their 13, jumped to his feet and claimed the turnover – from there Morgan heard Josh’s call of space – fed him the ball and all of Josh’s natural instincts kicked in as he decided he would run sideways across the field within our own 22. However, it worked – breaking a tackle Josh made his way up the touchline and into their half, cutting back into midfield he saw Max on his left side – threw the pass giving Max 30m to outrun the final defender and under the posts for his first Media try – conversion successful. 

Cranleigh were now out on their feet and Media sensed the opportunity of a bonus point try. From the final play of the game a turnover in the tackle allowed Morgan to quickly feed Cam who sprinted down the touchline & dot down under the posts to finish the game and give Media a resounding win – conversion successful.  

A massive effort from 1-17 and a very much deserved first win of the season. Still loads to work on with tougher tests to come over the next few weeks but a lot of great stuff to build on as we look ahead to the rest of the season. Keep the Y’s coming for Saturday’s games!  

FT: Cranleigh 5 – 26 London Media

Saturday 16th October:

1st XV – Surrey 2 – Home vs Worth Old Boys RFC

Now that the dust has settled after what I can remember as being a cracking session in the Latchmere on Saturday, it’s time for a bit of reflection on Saturday’s game and then time to put it behind us and think ahead to next weekend. 

In a switched home game that saw us hosting WOBS at their ground, Saturday began in an exciting fashion for the 1XV as we pulled out of Grant Road in a smart-looking mini bus headed for the delights of Whiteley Bridge. With reminscinet stories of naked mini bus trips from times gone by being shared around the bus, our sights began to lock in on the task ahead of us as, for once, a full Media squad turned up to a game on time. Things were looking good. 

With a solid warm up, we lost the toss, but still found ourselves with the result we wanted receiving the ball from kick off heading up the 75 degree incline towards the WOBS half. The first 5 minutes of play had us pinned well back in our 22, but with comments about ‘intensity’ and ‘communication’ still ringing in our ears, we repelled attack after attack, characteristic of the 300 spartans at the battle of Thermopylae. 

As we began to piece some structured play together with some solid carries from our beefy herd of forwards, we worked our way up into the oppo half well on the front foot. A big Welsh shout of advantage rang across the field from the really Welsh ref, to which Max sat the ball back to Dan who consequently lobbed up a spliced cross kick that virtually went backwards, only for Arrows to pluck it out of the air like Paul Collingwood’s legendary one-handed grab of Matthew Hayden to offload to Cam who pirouetted through the defence to touch down. Ben’s conversion fell short just like his compatriots IndyRef attempt of 2014 for Media to lead 5-0. 

The next 20 minutes of play marked a frustrating passage of play for Media. Possession seemed to avoid us like half of Max’s Tinder matches, and whenever we did get any we swiped left. As a result we succumbed to a 5-14 lead with the WOBS ten’s annoyingly accurate boot adding the two points to two fairly soft tries leaving us with a 12 point deficit at the break. 

The 2nd half started better. With Fred taking over kick off duties after mine seeming to fall apart, we hit back at WOBS hard and fast. With the slope in our favour, we piled on the pressure. Our first opportunity of the half came down the outside where after some expansive play, Ben found himself with just grass between him and the touchline. Backing himself, he burst through some last ditch covering defence to sumersault towards the tryline, throwing the ball dead in the process. With every other attack somehow seeming to end in a pen to the other team (often for things such as just breathing apparently), a good backs move which resulted in another foxtrot through the defence from Cam in midfield led to a series of rock balls which was scored by a forward (you all look the same) for us to push our way over. Ben Salmond slots the extra two to make it 12-14. 

With another score under our belts it felt as if the wind would be in our sails, but so soon as we’d put ourselves back in the game, WOBS attack (alongside the ref) came raking through them like a round of grapeshot. With effective use of the boot pinning us back in our half for much of the rest of the game, a similar pattern of being unable to retain possession emerged. After a few phases of scrambled defence from Media, a wide move from WOBS saw them cross over in the corner. A touch line attempt just manages to convert like Ross in Infernos, 12-21. 

In times gone by and with the confidence of a few wins under our belt, this had the makings of a Media classic in terms of a comeback. But alas it was not to be. A huge clearing kick from the WOBS 10 worked its way towards our touchline on the 22. Already outside the touchline, Ben leaps to keep the ball from disappearing into the hedge behind thus ‘appearing’ to keep the ball in play only for a chasing WOBS defender to scoop up the ball and touch down under the post. A hesitant flag wave from travelling supporter Northern Joe (which nearly earned him dick of the day) wasn’t enough to catch the refs attention, with the rest of the team stunned by the refs decision to allow play to go on (including a very whiny me). 12-28. 

With 5 minutes left on the clock, the boys did their best to summon the fighting spirit of the Mighty Media. With some good work down into the WOBS half, Ben found himself again in open space this time running over to touch down. Slotting the extra 2 we were back at 19-28. With minutes left on the clock and two points still in the offering with another score, we came at WOBS hard. With some final confusion around the refs flaky communication as to whether we were being awarded an advantage or not, a WOBS scrum ended the game. 

A valiant effort from the boys, but not without its frustrations. However, there were an immense number of positives to take away from Saturday. Despite the result, the names we had out on the pitch on Saturday and elsewhere in the squad have the makings of a team that can compete with every team in this league. I have no doubt about that. For most of us it was the first time we’d played on the same side together. We have an immense amount of talent, and work just as hard on the pitch than any rugby team I have played for. On another day, we’d have walked away with the win, but reflecting on where we are as a team having undergone a lot of change I genuinely believe we are building up to something great as a squad and this is all part of that process. We need to keep turning up every week and working hard for each other and the badge on our shirt. It was great to see so many of you stick around for the piss up in the Latch afterwards joining up with the 2s. 

Saturday 18th September:

1st XV – Surrey 2 – Home vs Met Police RFC

London Media 1^st XV’s first league game of the season got off to an unusual start as we found ourselves out of the changing room and ready to warm up a full one hour before kick-off. Even veteran props Cheffy and Donald arrived in time for line-out practice. However, cracks soon started to appear; after paying a bit too much attention to hydration, Joe found himself being reprimanded by a horrified mother for exposing himself in public, while the rest of the team were introduced to an 18-year-old in school uniform, a.k.a. the referee. To top it all off, we had to raid our subs bench after losing two of our starting XV to a Friday-night-tennis-induced groin injury and a dodgy stomach respectively. Despite the bad omens we managed to assemble 15 players, bringing debutants Harry and Josh in to reinforce the backline and Nige/Jesus back into the forwards. We did, however, start with only two subs on the bench.

We began the game on the front foot, camping ourselves deep in the opponent’s 22 within the first few minutes. However, with only 3 minutes on the clock, we suffered a major blow as Cheffy emerged from a characteristic trundle with a bloodied head. Thankfully, Met Police’s physio was on hand to provide much-needed medical attention but the prognosis was not good – Cheffy was not to return to the field of play, doctor’s orders. Up stepped Donald to take on the mantle of an elder statesman.

With time back on, after forcing a few more penalties from Met Police, Max shipped the ball out wide on the right, where quick hands from Ben, Euan and Knighty put new winger Josh through in the corner for a well-deserved debut try. Ben calmly slotted home the conversion. 7-0 to Media.

Following our early try, Met Police began to grow into the game, putting us under sustained pressure in our half until they scored in the corner. Missing their conversion, Media retained a slight lead at 7-5.

We began to find our rhythm again, winning several penalties at the scrum as Donald made his presence known at loosehead. Momentum gathered in open play as Max combined well with Dan, who offloaded superbly out of the tackle to Ben, who passed out left for Josh Palmer to feed Euan, who weighted a superb pass about 2 metres in front of him for Cam to run onto at typically blistering pace and score. Met Police claimed a forward pass – no chance. The try stood and Ben stepped up again to convert. Media led 14-5 at half-time.

Despite leading the game, at the break it was clear that the bruising encounters with the Met Police pack were taking their toll. We used our final substitution but Fergus, Joe and Will H were forced to play on with injuries. We began the second half determined but wary of the immense physical challenge posed by our opponent.

In the second half we found ourselves at the mercy of the whistle-happy referee who penalised us repeatedly (and often inexplicably) at the lineout and on the floor. Met Police stopped competing at the breakdown and started feeding their hard-running second row and number 8 in the backline, who managed to break through our exhausted defence several times (though credit must be given to some heroic scramble defending from the team which prevented certain tries). Eventually the pressure from Met Police overwhelmed us and we conceded three tries in a row. Towards the end of the game we looked on the brink of making a comeback as the pack rumbled over the tryline for Knighty to touch down, only for the referee to rule we were held up. Despite bravely battling on for the final 10 minutes the game ended Met Police 24 – London Media 14.

Despite the defeat we could take pride from the performance and everyone put in a shift on the day. There was plenty of post-match analysis in the Latchmere afterwards but first and foremost it was great to see players from both teams drinking well into the night. Call me sentimental but there’s a brilliant team spirit developing at the club. Although frustrations did boil over at times during the match, I was on hand to offer some words of wisdom (‘why can’t we just all be friends?’). Martin Johnson eat your heart out.

2nd XV – Away vs Weybridge Vandals RFC

What with one thing and another it had been 560 days since London Media 2^nd XV had taken the rugby field. The scene for the return of the Super 2s was an Island in the middle of the River Thames. Despite the many miles of travel required almost a full contingent of the team were present and correct an hour before kick-off. This unprecedented preparation time was a welcome development.

What was less welcome was the complication of a few late dropouts to the original team posted on Friday. Any dropouts without a good excuse will incur a fine of crate of beer for the next game but not only that they put your team at a disadvantage, so don’t do it.

Considering the amount of time, 13440 hours, that had passed it was not a surprise to see lots of new faces on the team sheet along with some familiar older ones. After some familiarisation with one another and a briefing from the referee who seemed not too cognisant of the new rules the long awaited 2021-2022 season was ready to get underway.

For the first 10 minutes Media more than held their own well against a well-coached and drilled opposition. When in possession the attempts to play with structure were largely successful and in defensive there was no shirking of effort. The challenge was maintaining this for multiple phases. In attack the attempts to go out wide ultimately proved unfruitful against a good defence which knew when to blitz and when to drift.

The line was breached for the first time with some nifty interplay and offloads from Weybridge. Their attacking play was centred on getting line breaks from a few larger runners who could have been better contained. It would be hard to think of a more challenging opening game of the season on an extremely hard pitch which caused injuries continuously when having to defend so much. Media heads refused to drop and valiant running and defence was present throughout the game. Eventually as the body count on the side line continued to rise the match was called to a premature end.  

So lots to work, but also lots of potential and some great new talent at the club.

Saturday 11th September:

Pre-season Round Robin @ Old Haileyburians RFC

Media ended the 2021 preseason with a supremely encouraging unbeaten day at a tournament hosted by Old Haileyburians RFC.

Joint first XV captain James Knight described the beginning of the tournament as “a classic London Media start”. Missed trains and bad traffic saw the full squad finally come together five minutes before the tournament was due to kick-off. After a quick warm-up and a few introductions between a newly put-together back line, Media were ready for the first match.

Match one: London Media 14 ― 0 Old Haileyburians 2^nd 
London Media shook off a slow start to run in two unanswered tries in their first match. The message before the game was to keep things tight in the forwards where there was a bit more experience. Perhaps the Media pack took this a little too much to heart and were guilty of over committing to the early breakdowns. In the end, it was strong running lines and quick hands from the backs which put flanker Fergus Smithers in for the first score of the day. The conversion was made by flyhalf Ben McCellan. Both sides were guilty of getting on the wrong side of the ref at the breakdown in the second half. A period of sustained pressure by the Media forwards set a good platform for another fine move by the backs finished by winger headbutt Dan and converted by Ben.

Match two: London Media 10 ― 0 Teddington RFC
London Media produced a superb defensive effort to see-off a strong Teddington side without conceding. Media’s second match came 30 minutes earlier than expected and against different opposition. Teddington, a Surrey 1 side who had just won their first game, were likely to provide a much sterner test. Perhaps it was this reputation which led Media to opt for three points with their first penalty in the opposition half. This was not a popular decision with everyone attending but Ben slotted an excellent kick from distance. Some strong forward carries and a string of excellent offloads put Mike Low into the corner. Ben was unerring from the tee once again.

The first half ended with some superb scramble defence in front of the Media try line, including an excellent last-ditch tap tackle (apologies, I didn’t see who made it!). The second half continued as the first half ended, with more excellent London Media defence. Attack after attack was repelled by strong tackling and excellent work at the breakdown, most notably by debutant Wes at centre. The resilient defence eventually got to Teddington who began to get on the wrong side of the ref in their frustration. Media saw out the win in a performance that every player could be proud of.

Match three: London Media 5 ― 5 Old Wellingtonians

Neither side could find a winning score in a hectic end to the final match. Buoyed by an excellent win in the previous game, Media were guilty of taking one too many risks in their own 22 and Old Wellingtonians were able to score the first and only points conceded by Media on the day. The next few minutes were disrupted by a series of injuries for Old Wellingtonians who were forced to borrow from other teams. In the second half, a strike move off a Media set piece was well finished by Mike for his second try of the day. Unfortunately, Ben’s perfect kicking day came to an end and there were two minutes left for either side to find a winner. Neither team was willing to settle for a draw and the contest went well into dead time. The match ended with a Media attack running out of room and going into touch.

Player of the tournament: Lewis Pearson. Lewis won a close vote with Ben and Wes. Lewis’ stand-out moments included a huge hand-off on an over eager fullback chasing his own kick, some excellent turnovers and coming out on top in an enormous 50-50 over a bouncing ball.

Dick of the day: Ben McCellan. Ben was possibly a victim of his own success from the tee earlier in the day. To be fair, he did miss the easiest kick at the key moment. Could more votes have been cast for the captain who went for three points in a 20-minute friendly?

Saturday 4th September:

London Media 65 – 5 Economicals

Structure. Effort. Statements. These were the pre-match demands of London Media’s newly appointed captain, James Knight, and he will undoubtedly be pleased by his side’s response on a grey afternoon at Fortress Battersea. It was a confident performance filled with attacking flair and unerring composure.

In the opening minutes, the contest appeared to be finely poised. Media received and went through a few unfruitful phases and Economicals replied in kind. The first score of the game came from what would prove to be a hugely effective outlet all day. Dan Scheidegger, making his media debut, crashed over from a designed play and touched down under the posts to make the extras a formality. 7-0 Media.

By the first stages of the second quarter, a firm degree of control had been established. It was the centres again who provided the breakthroughs. Cam, another debutant, helped himself to a brace of tries before the interval. The first, a break off the back of some excellent link play with his fellow backs. The second, a scything run through a set Economicals’ defensive line after the pack had provided a generous platform from a scrum on the opposing 22. Not long after the first restart, Media found themselves camped in enemy territory once more. Accuracy at the line out from the forwards, however, went without reward, as the referee signalled that the ball was held up following a rumbling maul collapsing over the line. From the resulting scrum, Dan conjured a piece of near-balletic precision to score, pirouetting over the try-line whilst juggling the ball after a pass had gone just behind him. Media now led 26-0.

A shot across the bows soon echoed, however. Some slack defending upfront and in midfield allowed the Economicals’ 13 to crash over. Media could point to the half-dozen or so changes that had been made a few minutes prior as reason for this lapse in defensive solidity, yet they will no doubt look back on this with rueful disdain. Was this to be the start of a storied comeback for the Economicals?

Not a chance. At this point the game moved into what shall be dubbed the devastation phase. Meat pies rained down from the rugby heavens, now with the outside backs getting in on the action. Jack Carlton bagged a couple of tries at each end, further burgeoning his reputation as a lethal finisher. Cam, Fred, Fergus and Rory added to the scoreline as well, the latter of which also contributed a brilliant end-to-end run, skinning a fair few hapless Economicals’ defenders.

As the game drew to a close and play grew increasingly 7s-like, Knighty implored the team to regain their structure and see out the match in the right way. Perhaps most encouragingly of all, on what was a wonderful day for the Battersea outfit, they granted him this request, finishing the game with poise and authority. An old adage in rugby goes: “Forwards win the game; the backs decide by how much.” However, it would take a particularly churlish onlooker to deny that this was a day won by numbers 10, 12 and 13. Let’s hope this is the start of another memorable season. Up the Media!

1. Will Hannam – Excellent carrying and defended the channels manfully.
2. Giles Harker – A huge shift at front row and gave great ball at the line out all day.
3. Will Hughes – Superb as usual. Was Economicals’ best forward when he magnanimously agreed to play for the opposition in the final quarter.
4. Oli Pepperell – Splendid offload play throughout the game. Made the hard metres look fairly simple.
5. Bill Barker – Brought steel and structure to the packs collective effort. Worked tirelessly throughout.
6. Fergus Smithers – The freshest face in the pack and a fine game was rewarded with a try (I think?) in the second half.
7. James Knight (c) – Demonstrated the leadership skills that his new post 
8. Josh Palmer – A performance which revealed an interesting option at the base of the scrum. Utilised his pace and passing to link the pack with the backs.
9. Max Goreham – Mouthy and reliable: first-rate 9-play.
10. Conor Colclough – Faultless distribution which time and time again exposed the opposition’ defence. Utilised his most dangerous weapons (the centres) to devastating effect.
11. Ben McClellan – A decent day at the kicking tee.
12. Dan Scheidegger – A barnstorming performance with the ball in hand and from the boot. Produced some brilliant moments of skill.
13. Cameron Mackenzie-Lawrie – Helped himself to a handful of tries whilst making a mockery of the opposition’s attempts to defend him. An outstanding debut.
14. Euan Coull – Produced a few excellent line-breaks and some brilliant support lines too.
15. Fred Roberts – Handled the opposition’s attempts to kick with ease and looked assured when asked to step in at 10 towards the end of the game.
    
    
16. Corbin Parsons – Strong carries throughout the game and a gentlemanly kick to touch in the final play.
17. Smithy – Contributed to fine structural play from the pack at the end of the game and had a few nice inside offloads. 
18. Adam Lees – Great carrying and a threat at the line out.
19. Dan Fitz – Another great debut. Put in some crunching challenges and looked assured as part of the forward unit.
20. Rory Northam – Scored a fine try and had one memorable mazy end-to-end run.
21. George – Grew in confidence as the game progressed. Began to find his teammates with greater regularity.
22. Joe Ference – Stepped in seamlessly to contribute from the back row. An assertive debut.
23. Charles Aitken – A nice cameo at the end. Helped defend a dangerous situation.
24. Jack Carlton – Capped off some nice back plays with clinical finishes.